New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
