I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
