he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
