My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
