I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
