Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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