i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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