not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
