You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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