sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
