In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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