I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
