I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
