come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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