Already got asked if we're dating
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
