so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
