somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
