I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
