I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
