I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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