I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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