he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
