Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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