so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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