omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
