you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
