I am in a vortex of obligation.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
