Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
