i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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