ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
