I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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