The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
