I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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