Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
