it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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