she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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