I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
