Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
