do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
