WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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