I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
