why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
