You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
