There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize