omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
