Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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