dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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