I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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