please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
