Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
