Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
