Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
