i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
