Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
