peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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