u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize