Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
