My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
