the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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