White coat. Heels.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
