Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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