I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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